Seven Thoughts For Seven Days of Jordan…
Family Matters
You can’t fake family, and family comes in many forms. Jordan arrived on May 7th. Within a day or two, Uncle Dale, Aunt Charmin and Aunt Kai had spent time with us in the hospital, held Jordan, and have since come over to hang out with the little guy. Aunt Jill was there during labor, timing contractions and stocking up on saltines (the only food I could sort of keep down). There’s been one day of Jordan’s life where Jill hasn’t been by to play (and frankly, he was pissed)! Eliza and MC decorated his room. These are members of our coaching and support staff, but this stuff is not in their job descriptions.
I hear teams referred to in terms family often. It’s hard to judge authenticity, but I know this: neither Patrick nor I have blood relatives nearby, but our little guy has had a family since before he was born.
Mama Bear Strength
I can’t fathom how I (or any woman, for that matter) can be trusted to carry a fetus for nine months, to labor for 25 hours, to birth a child and then care for him literally around the clock … yet somehow, would be unable to coach men. Like, seriously?!
Assuming one was otherwise qualified, I’m pretty sure NBA guys could give respect to a female coach, and maybe especially so, given how many revere the women who raised them. It’s just as absurd to think a woman couldn’t be CEO of Google, or – gasp – become President of the United States.
Now that I’ve done this motherhood thing – for seven days only – the concept that women can’t lead men seems even more absurd.
Work/Life
I can’t say I’ve attempted the “balance” thing yet, but I’m grateful for this time with Jordan. I got my first coaching job the day after graduating college, and I’ve been working pretty much every day since. By choice. I love it – always a recruit to talk to, film to watch, or a practice plan to write. Even on vacation, I like to read basketball books for fun. Yes, I am a basketball nerd. No shame here.
Before the birth, I met with our team, who have been a part of the pregnancy every step of the way, and explained what my “leave” would look like. Our parental timing is impeccable (good job P and L!), so most of my time away is while the players are home on break or in summer school. Still, I explained to our players how important it is for me to spend this time with my son. I also laid out my expectation that they wouldn’t miss a beat as a team, and instead use the time to continue our progress towards being better than we have ever been.
Once I’m back, I don’t plan to work less. I don’t plan to be less present for our players – the only way I know how to coach is to be accessible and present for them. I will find my way of doing both; being the mother and coach that I want and need to be. In the meantime, however, the trust I have in my staff and players to carry on while I live my life in 2-3 hour feeding and sleeping intervals with Jordan is something I am so grateful for. This team and staff have allowed me to do this new gig the way I want to, and for that I can never fully express my appreciation for them.
Being a Good Teammate is a Skill for Life
We tell this to our players all the time. The lessons they learn from being on a team will serve them forever: in business, in relationships, in professional life. I can now add, from experience, that being a good teammate is so important in parenting. I have loved Patrick for a long time, and I’m pretty sure he’d say the same about me. But now, beyond romance or chemistry, we simply have to be a good team. From changing diapers at 5am, to changing sheets when the little guy pees all over them at 5am (comes at you fast when you aren’t ready during the diaper change!), to taking turns holding him: being a good teammate is paramount. So yes, players: call out those screens, talk on defense, high five someone after a great pass. Not only will it make the team better, but it will make you better in nearly every aspect of life, even parenting.
*Side note: now, more than ever, single parents who have done this on their own are superhuman in my book.
Oakland Is Gorgeous
My life has been really different these past few days. I spend almost every hour of the day either feeding Jordan, sleeping, watching him sleep, changing him, or doing laundry while he sleeps (man, a little 8-pound guy can sure produce a lot of dirty laundry)! However, I make sure to take a walk every day around our neighborhood.
Before, I would run, and then hustle home to shower and get to the office. Now, the walk is my exercise (still a few more weeks before I can work out), and it’s my one time of day to myself and to be alone with the world.
It’s amazing how different everything looks. Maybe it’s because my perspective has changed (they say a child will do that), or maybe it’s because I’m really looking. The flowers and trees that line our Oakland streets are incredible! I took some pictures on the last two walks – see for yourself.
Playoffs > Pennsylvania Ave
I hope the NBA playoffs never end, because then I might actually have to watch the news. From what I hear, the stuff out of Washington isn’t all that pleasant.
The Motherhood Club
I am grateful for the Motherhood Club. It’s funny, there’s almost nothing you are allowed to do in life without practice. You have to take a test to drive a car. I imagine you have to take a lot of music lessons before playing a concert. I certainly know that you don’t sub into a game without taking a ton of jumpers in practice and studying the game plan.
Yet they let you go home from the hospital with a baby and a few pointers. We didn’t come home with a skills trainer, or a coach, or a professor with a semester worth of lectures! Of course, Patrick and I sought out our own resources (we love our Doula!), but what I have been struck by is the immediate acceptance into the Motherhood Club. So many have reached out to me. The mothers of current and former players, other moms in coaching, my neighbors with children.
I have always been amazed by the parents who raise their children to be strong and powerful and then entrust them to me as their coach: what I didn’t realize was how reciprocal it would feel when I was on this end of it. They want me to succeed, too!
Mothers are pretty cool like that.
Someone told me that when my child was born, I would miss my mother more than ever, even though she passed away 21 years ago. This is true. But what I’ve also found to be true is that the support I’ve felt has made me feel connected to all mothers in a very powerful way, even my own, who is not here in the physical, but who is certainly here with me as I join this club.
